Heathers the Musical

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We're not special. We're not different. We don't choose who lives or dies. Let's be normal. See bad movies, Sneak a beer and watch TV. We'll bake brownies, Or go bowling, Don't you want a life with me? Can't we be seventeen? That's all I want to do. If you could let me in, I could be good with you. People hurt us, Or they vanish. And you're right, it really blows. But we let go, Take a deep breath, And go buy some summer clothes. We'll go camping, Play some poker, And we'll eat some chili fries. JD turns and looks at Veronica, who holds out a hand to him. Maybe prom night? Maybe dancing? Don't stop looking in my eyes. Your eyes. JD starts walking towards Veronica. JD, Veronica: C an't we be seventeen? Is that so hard to do? If you could let me in, I could be good with you. JD takes Veronica's hand. The band was as follows: Conductor/Keyboard ........................ Guitars ....................................... Boy 3: I don’t want trouble. You’re gonna die at 3 PM. Girl 1: D on’t you dare touch me! Girl 3: Get away, pervert! Boy 3: What did I ever do to them? Students: W ho could survive this? I can’t escape this! I think I’m dying! Ms. Fleming: W ho’s that with Heather? Students: Woah. Heather, Heather, Heather… Heather D enters. Girl 3: … And someone! Students: H eather, Heather, Heather… Heather M enters. …And a babe! Heather C enters. Students: H eather, Heather, Heather… …Veronica? Students: V eronica, Veronica, Veronica! Veronica runs on­stage. And you know, you know, you know, Life can be­ All: ­ beautiful. You hope, you dream, you pray, And you get your way!

I can't believe you actually came. It's exciting, right? Oh, excuse me, I want to say hello to Ram. I brought sparkling cider! Showing up here took some guts, Time to rip them out. Heather D holds up the pig piñata. Well, who's this pig remind you of? Especially the snout. Ha! Heather: D ang, dang, diggity­dang­a­dang! Dang, dang, diggity­dang­a­dang! The Heathers exit with the piñata. Martha approaches Ram. Where the hell are those freshman? Hi, Ram. Uh, I wasn't gonna come, but since you took the time to write that sweet note... Ram grabs the sparking cider from Martha. What note? Why do you gotta be so weird all the time? People wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal. He chugs the cider, but spits it out almost immediately. There's no alcohol in here! Are you trying to poison me? Students: D ang, dang, diggity­dang­a­dang! Dang, dang, diggity­dang­a­dang! Dang, dang, diggity­dang­a­dang! Diggity­dang­a­dang! The folks are gone, It's time for big fun! Big fun! We're up till dawn, Having some big fun! Big fun! So let the speakers blow, They'll buy another stereo. Our folks got no clue, 'Bout all the shit their children do. Why are they surprised, Whenever we're unsupervised? Students: W hine. Go on and bitch and moan. Students: W hine. You don’t deserve the dream. Students: W hine. You’re gonna die alone . Heather D and the students close in on Heather M.. Heather D, Students: D ie alone, die alone, Die alone, die alone! Heather M chugs the contents of the bottle. Heather D and the students dissipate. Veronica runs onstage. No! No, no, stop, stop! Veronica and Heather fall to the ground, and Heather starts crying. Suicide is a private thing! Throwing your life away to be a statistic in USA Today? That's like the least private thing I can think of. But what about Heather and Ram and Kurt? If everyone jumped off a bridge, young lady, would you? Heather nods, ashamed. Probably. Veronica takes Heather's hand. If you were happy every single day of your life, then you wouldn't be a human, you'd be a game show host. Heather spits out the pills. Thanks for coming after me. You're welcome. Voice: baritone/tenor, power Country/Gospel belt to A♭, higher welcome. NOTE: Sometimes this actor has played PRINCIPAL GOWAN instead of BIG BUD / COACH. BOY 1: BELEAGUERED GEEK – (16-18) An embittered social outcast. Voice: baritone (up to F#) or tenor (up to A).Former footbaH player turned suburban dad. has never out~ grown his high school glory days. HatC's weakness, but capable of soul-scatching when ll'age View more... Voice: Strong belt to C, D preferred. Alto for chorus. Note: In certain choral songs Heather Duke and Mac can switch vocal parts as needed. HEATHER DUKE – (17) The whipped beta dog of the three Heathers. Deeply insecure. When she finally becomes Queen Bee, she wields power like a bulldozer. Voice: strong belt to C, D preferred. Alto for chorus. NOTE: In certain choral songs, DUKE and MCNAMARA can switch vocal parts as needed. JASON DEAN (JD) - 17. He is darkly charismatic, compelling, attractive, charming on the outside yet very damaged on the inside. Keen smarts and strong inventive comedy. Voice: Strong, confident belt to at least an Ab, A preferable; wide emotional range.

Voice: Strong belt to F or higher preferred. Mezzo for chorus. Note: In certain choral songs, Chandler can switch parts with her other Heathers as needed. KURT’S DAD: Straight-laced, very conservative, also former football player. A simple guy, not book smart, you’d be happy to share a beer with him. RAM’S DAD: Former football player turned suburban dad, has never outgrown his high school glory days. Hates weakness, but capable of soul-searching when tragedy strikes.BIG BUD DEAN: J.D.’s single dad. Big jolly personality that barely conceals the enormous rage bubbling just below the surface. Quite possibly a serial bomber. Elsewhere, rumours destroy reputations overnight, a plot device that works even better re-watched from the internet age. Final scenes include JD detonating a suicide bomber vest. That’s still marginally milder than the alternate ending in which the entire school blows up and they all go to prom, as social equals, in heaven. Or the unfilmed scene that would have seen Martha stab Veronica and call her Heather, leaving Veronica to gasp her dying words: “My name’s not Heather, you bitch!” Meanwhile, a young Brad Pitt auditioned for JD but was judged to be “too nice” for the role. Heather Graham was offered the part of Heather Chandler, but her parents didn’t approve of the script. RAM’S DAD - Former football player turned suburban Dad, has never outgrown his glory days in high school. Hates weakness, but capable of soul-searching when tragedy strikes.